Can I Really Be His Friend?

Dear Renee (Love Mechanic)
I have been dating this guy for a few weeks who I've know for a couple months. I know that doesn't seem very long, but we have been spending a lot of time together and I have started to feel very attached to him. We get along great, we can talk for hours we have amazing chemistry. We have not slept together and have not done anything besides kissing. I didn't think that things were getting too serious, but I was getting excited that this was turning into something because he was sending me so many "green light signals" that you've described in your book.

Then a few nights ago, he told me that he really likes me, but he was not ready to date anyone because of a past relationship that had ended several months ago.  He told me that he was very in love, but is not in love anymore and that I am the first girl he has tried to date since the breakup. He says he wants to be friends. I am surprised he's sprung this on me so early into our relationship. Obviously, he is still very heartbroken. I would like to be his friend and I don't want to lose him. Does he not want to date me because he is afraid I'm going to hurt him? How can I gain his trust? Am I wasting my time? I've dated a lot of other guys and none of them "fit" with me the way he does. I don't want to give up, but maybe I should. How can I keep him in my life, but not scare him away? He really is making an effort to stay friends by calling and e-mails. So, I think he really does care for me. How can I be his friend without wanting to be more? Will he ever change his mind?
Can I Really be His Friend?

Dear Can I Really be His Friend,
First let me say thank your lucky stars that he has been so honest with you and that you didn't jump into bed with him. If you got this attached without sex, imagine how you would feel if you did connect without knowing him very well. He obviously is not ready to be serious and out of respect he told you the laser truth. Good for him and now it is time for you to get real with yourself! He obviously cares for you but the timing is off.

About being just friends? Friendship is the best foundation for a lasting relationship, yet it is time to slow down hanging out with him so often because you obviously want more than he has to give at this time. He has respect for you enough to tell you his feelings and not lead you on...So LISTEN to the truth from your soul. So much time and energy could be wasted and drain you, so ask yourself these questions and be really honest with yourself. There is not a right or wrong answer, only what is best for your own life and growth.
* What is your definition of a friend?
* Will you really be able to be yourself without expecting him to switch gears eventually?
* Do you really want to be with someone who isn't really ready or open to you and just be a friend? 
* Will you really be able to hang out without expectations and questions over the if's and when's that will obsess your mind?
* Will you be pining, wondering, tossing and turning over a man who spoke his truth?

All your energy will be focused on wanting more and him not being ready instead of being clear and speaking your truth. There is nothing worse than waiting for someone to change his mind and you using your time and energy when he already told you his feelings.  No way! You want more girl, so get real with your feelings and be truthful to your own soul. If you can see him without any expectations fine...be friends but keep dating other men. Can you do that?

You must get on with your life, be sweet, check in with him but don't see him for make out sessions or give him too much of your time while he is healing, since it will lower your self esteem. If he is the right "fit" he will come chasing after you when he is ready since you stopped giving him your energy and love. Women often give away our power to men and your heart is sensitive so take care of it...stay busy and continue dating. You obviously have read my "Love Mechanics" book and realize there is another passenger in his vehicle who is still has his heart in knots. That's something he needs to take care of himself and you need to be free to explore all the great men that are available to love you.  Once you do move on you'll be in a better space to really be his friend and have your heart intact to be open to love. As I always say..."Look at a rejection as God's protection" At his point you must get back into the driver's seat, regain your power, date other men and let him heal. You are a gift...cherish yourself first and the rest will come! Need help or have a burning question? call me or email me for a private coaching session at the office! you may consider attending one of my SECRETS into the Minds of Men Seminars to learn how men think and how not to waste time with men and LEARN my secrets! These events are life changing!

Have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over? Email:Renee@LoveMechanics.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating and Rapid Social Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California.  Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our  www.RapidDating.com site to get on our mailing list for events and Seminars. 

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