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IM CONFUSED BY MY YOUNGER MAN
Dear Renee (Love Mechanic),
I read your column and I need some direct advice. I'm seeing a younger man, whom for the first time, I find intellectually, physical fit (he works out, takes vitamins, etc) and is on the same path as me A lot of men think I’m a thirty-year-old woman - actually I'm older – but I’d preferred to be younger. I have a hard body, and men at the gym are always pursuing me.
We started off on our first date, and we had a good time and he wanted to see me again. We have dated for about six months, then after awhile I noticed he changed by not keeping his word and being vague with me. Then later down the road, I suggested putting space between us, and he doesn’t want that at all. Meanwhile, I have discovered he is still dating other women. Now I really need to make a change and it's getting difficult because I really enjoyed being in his company. My feelings are involved here and it seems like I've become his trophy woman. He has worked his charms on me, and now I've fallen for him. I have to stop and back off because I don't like what it's happening to me. Meanwhile he doesn’t seem to care of what I'm doing, and lately he is not keeping tabs on me as he used to? At the same time, I'm wondering if he is getting bored with me. Any hints can you share with me? Please let me know.
Thanks,
Ms Confused.
Dear Ms Confused,
There is nothing to be confused about…he is not interested in much more than a casual dating deal. It sounds like you had an initial connection and he enjoys your company. This challenging dating game is usually because he has a casual “Booty Call” and doesn’t want to lose it. You created this situation and you can recreate a new scenario by stating in a non-demanding way that this does NOT work for you and that you are moving on. Don’t just keep hanging, hoping and pining. Ask for what you want and realize you may not get it from him!
Have you ever discussed what you both are looking for in the long run, or did you just assume he wanted something due to his initial interest? In my experience, when people are attracted they date you and within a month or two they make a definite internal decision whether you are good for the “long haul.” You obviously must have been intimate (or you wouldn’t be as upset) and assumed he was committed you. He was interested, but his current actions signal he isn’t interested enough to be committed. His back and forth behavior will continue unless you take a stand. He is getting his needs met and you are allowing it! As soon as you take it away, he comes back…This behavior will drive you nutty.
This situation is exactly the kind of experience that weakens our inner confidence and if more people were honest with themselves they wouldn’t allow themselves to keep hanging on to straws. You deserve better and frankly you need to let go and get your inner strength back and focus on you and your goals in love. Why waste time on a wishy washy man? Life is too short to give your energy when it is not being reciprocated. You need to get Real about how you may have seen signs but thought they would go away! Times a wasting…let him go! When you do let go or if you need help call me for support. Check out my Online Tele-Seminar “Secrets into the Minds of Men” or listen to my tape series “Let’s Talk about Sex, Dating and what really works with Men” to learn more about these issues. We have great Rapid Dating and Networking events happening to help you connect. Use your youth and beauty on someone who will appreciate you! It’s Spring Time and there are many single men looking for love! You had some fun…now MOVE ON!
Have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over? Email:Renee@LoveMechanics.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating and Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California. Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our new RapidDating.com site. Get on our mailing list for upcoming events and free POD CASTS.
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