FEAR OF  LONG TERM COMMITMENT?
THE SHORT TERM COMMITMENT SOLUTION

Dear Renee
I have a fear of long term commitment. I’m still building my career and I find most women want me to make long term plans.  I’m not a  player but making a life long commitment scares me.  I’m not ready for marriage right now and yet I want to be intimate with the woman I date. Do I have a problem?
 Help! Any suggestions?

Dear fear of commitment,
You do not have a problem …you are clear on your current phase in life! You are building your career and long term is not right for you right now!  In my men’s seminars, I find that many men associate commitment with death! All joking aside your fears are normal. The times have changed and men and women are waiting longer to marry. Since the divorce rate has skyrocketed to over 50- 65% in some areas and there are millions of singles, do you think all of these people are not concerned about this issue? YES! Both sexes have the same issues and honesty is the best policy.  Remember…Most women are conditioned to want long term yet there are many that are in the same place as you in life. Once you are clear and can articulate your intentions, you will attract a person on the same path. It is the pretending and misleading that hurts people.

I have many single friends and clients that want to be committed and they want a guarantee. In love, there is no guarantee that it will last forever. We can grow together or apart over time and stay committed to someone that we aren’t in love with because we made a commitment to forever. Ask yourself: Is long term commitment realistic right now? Is it based on your religious beliefs? Can a person stay committed and happy forever? I do believe you can stay committed as long as both parties are willing to commit to the commitment. This takes communication and not taking the other person for granted. In the meantime…

You know you are not ready so be HONEST and you may want to try out my “Short Term Commitment Solution! If you want to be intimate, I have found thru surveys and in all my years of research that most women will want exclusivity unless she is a free spirit who can flit from man to man. In a newly developing relationship and in the courting phase you must ask question to discover a person’s interest in committing and not assume they feel the same way you do. If you meet someone you like keep open to the possibility and take it in chunks of time so you don’t feel pressured. Commit to an  exclusive short term commitment.  I suggest to couples just beginning their relationships that feel excited to be developing a close relationship, yet don’t know if they want a long term thing, to try this on for 3 months. This means that you both will:

1. Decide that you will date exclusively so you can feel safe opening up without the dating worries of other people interfering.
2. Explore the relationship with the intention of a revisiting your exclusive commitment!
3. Discuss important issues seriously: Religion, Sex, Children, Work, Money issues, Family, Fitness and any other important topics to see if there is a fit.
4. You will agree to a term of the relationship. For example after 2 months - 6 months (you both will pick the timeline) you will then reevaluate the next amount of time you will stay committed thus taking the pressure off those who fear long term commitment!
5. Be free to open up and explore this love and keep the fires burning.
6. Then decide if you want to continue the relationship. This plan will free you to move on if it isn’t happening without breaking up a home, children or wasting to much time. We are all big boys and girls and being honest is the way to go!

I know many couples that have tried this method and it works! The clients that tried this and it did not work discovered it saved them months of time and pain and they could move on without being upset because it was not the right fit.  This method worked for me! When I met my husband  Joe 5 years ago , he was going through a  difficult divorce  and yet we wanted to date. He lived 3000 miles away and he was seeing 2 other women. I was also casually dating a few men, and he asked me to date only him after 2 dates. I was concerned he was not ready to go long term and I did not want to waste too much time since I was so attracted to him. I feared he may be on the rebound so  I told him I would give him a 3 month exclusive contract with me, renewable in 3 months to that day. He is a business man so we shock hands called the other folks we were dating and told them the truth. We both had met someone special and wanted to explore the relationship and we were not dating anyone else. Needless to say the other women he was dating were not to happy with that, but I asked for what I wanted and I got it!  It was a running joke with us and he would say “Oh no I only have 20 days left before you could terminate our contract” I’d reply “Well  we will see if you are still interested or I may have to trade you in for being single again.” We renewed the contract 3 times and this method did take the pressure off him. I was not needy or desperate and we grew in love with no pressure.  Both our fears dissolved as we grew in trust and love. I say… Why not just let go of all the expectations and ask for what you want and let the fears go! This is a honest way to play in the game of love! Good luck to all in your search! There is so much more to say so listen to my online Podcasts at www.ITunes.com  look up the show Love Mechanics or go to my site to listen!

  What do you think of this idea?  If you have any thoughts on this topic please pass on your comments by email to Renee@Lovemechanics.com.  
Send  in your love and dating questions and I will do my best to respond! Need some personal coaching & motivation to liven up your social life or a complete makeover? Call me at 310-827-1100 to set up an appointment. My live and online seminars will help you get in control of those doubts and fears and help you manifest what you are looking for! Come check them out on our site.

If you want open your heart and increase your odds in the dating game, join us for RAPID DATING and Rapid Social NETWORKING Parties in various cities in Southern California! Get on our mailing list for more free advice and info about our various services and events to connect you in your community. I am here to SPREAD THE LOVE