Dear Renee (Love Mechanics),

I am a single guy in my late 20s. I have known this girl for a while and she has recently been openly flirting with me in front of friends, at parties, etc. She will come by my house for inane things and suggest we do things together. The problem is that she has a boyfriend of about five years. Apparently they have broken up a couple of times. When we are chatting, she will sometimes bring up the fact that he is picking her up, and they are doing this and that. I would like to go out with her but I'm not sure about her intentions.

My friends seem to think that her relationship with her boyfriend is not great, and that she is flirting just to prove to herself that she still has it, and if I ask her out, she will say no. I have a feeling that if I do ask her out and she says no, our friendship will end since this has happened to other males she has flirted with. What are her intentions?

Confused

Dear Confused,

From what you wrote, I gather that she's friendly (but hasn't come on to you) and told you straight that she has a man in her life. Whether you heard it through the grapevine or she told you her relationship has been rocky, she is still in a relationship and has been for five years. I think this girl does want to keep men interested in her as a backup plan. Some women enjoy getting attention from other men because they always need reassurance and are insecure. Your friend's intuition may be correct; she may say no if you ask her out on a date.

If this is the case, my question to you is, why waste energy on her? She is not available now. Live in the present and tell her that you think she is a nice girl, but that you don't get why she needs to hang out and flirt with so many men if she's in a relationship with someone.

Perhaps by you speaking the truth and letting her know that this doesn't work for you, she will take a look at her behavior and grow up. If you are really friends, then she will respect your frank honesty. The other point to think about is that you have been acting like a friend while deep down you thought you'd eventually win her over. Correct? So many guys do this and then get frustrated because the girl doesn't end up with them.

However, the other possibility is that she has broken up with her boyfriend for good and is looking to date other people. Find out if she is available or not, and go from there.

Renee

 If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!

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