Dear Renee (Love Mechanics),

I'm 30 and busy finishing my studies and paying off my debts (about $30,000, for my last car and my studies). I have a problem with a woman that I'm hoping you can help me with. Her name is Veronique, and she's 23, smart, beautiful, funny, easygoing, and knows what she wants.

She was with her last boyfriend for over four years, and engaged and living with him for two years. He's got everything; he's 27, has a house, a nice car, a motorcycle, money, and a good job. But, when I met Veronique, it was an instant attraction, so she left him for me. We had connected and the sex was overwhelming. Two months after, she realized that I wasn't rich, and felt guilty leaving him because he didn't do anything wrong to her. After much arguing, she left me and went back to her ex.

Over the last year or so, she has been going back and forth between her ex and I, and it is driving me crazy. On one hand, she says that I am jealous and possessive, and she's constantly looking for my flaws and accusing me of being in the same place in my life as I was last year, and of being financially unstable. On the other hand, she claims to want our relationship to become serious. My question: what do you think about her behavior? I know she is normal to want a man with his act together, as she wants kids, marriage and to be happy. What should I do if I get back on track with my life, and she sees that and wants to get back together with me?

Simon

Dear Simon,

This situation sounds very frustrating for you; however, it is allowing you to see the important values that help grow and maintain a healthy relationship. That hot sexual attraction is not necessarily the "glue" that keeps relationships together, although chemistry should be an integral part of any relationship. You need to be clear about your goals, get yourself together and see what the future brings.

She stated her feelings and her goals when she said you were at the same place in your life, and that she wants to commit to someone who is financially stable. Her words and actions point to her being insecure about where you are in your life. If she is not willing to believe in you and grow with you, you need to move on and get your life together.

You are almost done with your studies and you will soon be working. Shift the focus from her to yourself. Be confident that you are on your way to becoming more secure, and speak positively about yourself. You need to ask yourself some important questions about the type of woman you want as a life mate and know that you will find her. Read my book Love Mechanics and you will be able to get in touch with your vision and see how to control those negative thoughts that haunt you.

If you were to ever get back together with her, some serious communication about your mutual goals needs to happen before you jump back into bed and open your heart to her again. The sexual energy between people can cloud reality, screw up your thinking process and damage your confidence level. You sound like a caring man who is working on yourself. Stay strong, confident, and focus on the growth in your career and with yourself. Once you're stronger on the inside and project more confidence, the right woman will show up. It sounds like you need to take a break from her now and focus on you.

Renee

If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!

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