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Dear Renee Love Mechanic,
I hope you can give me some advice on this one. My girlfriend and I were newly acquainted friends 6 months ago. We both had feeling for each other during that whole 6 month period. When I would bring up the word relationship she would say “I don't want to have a boyfriend now because I don't want to get hurt". She got dumped on the same day her mother died of MS. Since then (3 years) she has not wanted a relationship from anyone. Last week I spilled my guts to her about how I feel about her and she did the same. We are now together and it has been a week. She keeps mentioning how happy she is to her friends but I don't feel her affection unless we are alone or in the bedroom. I am a very affectionate boyfriend and I really feel as if she is trying to not get attached because she is afraid of getting hurt. I really care about her very much and I am afraid my strong affection is going to scare her. I need someone that will be as affectionate as me or I feel the person doesn't care. Please help me...
Paul
Dear Paul
Your girl sounds like a wounded pup and it may take time for here to heal. Some people that have 2 traumatic events linked together at one time (like her mom’s death and losing an important relationship) may have formed such a wall of fear that they need help to unwind that fear and start again. Also when a person is in a sad state during a funeral she may have been receiving hugs and affection which then links affection to the pain of loss. It’s a conditioned response she has to pain and she will do anything not to feel it again. I could have a phone session with her to uncover some of these phobias easily and help her unravel the mystery with some simple techniques that I use with Neuro Linguistic Programming. You have been giving her love and affection and your love is actually reprogramming her to trust in love again. This situation is a common one for the singles souls out there and once revealed can be healed with guidance and patience from a partner. This type of situation stops many singles from opening their hearts. The question is how long are you willing to sacrifice your own needs for affection and love to help her heal?
We must all realize each person we date is a new experience and we are in charge of out hearts and destinies. You both might read my book and create a new relationship from a clean slate. Have her contact me for some guidance if she still isn’t opening up. I’ll help her heart see why it is blocked and clear the space for love. Keep loving her… but if too much time passes with out your needs being met, you may need to move on and suggest she get some help. I am here if you need more guidance. Stay strong and listen to your heart.
If you have a burning love or dating question or any thoughts on this topic please pass on your comments by email to: Renee@Lovemechanics.com. Need to liven up your social life or a make over? Call me at 310-656-7099 to set up an appointment or attend my fun seminars. If you want increase your odds in the dating game, join us for RAPID DATING! We are doing event all over Los Angeles…and we have many age groups and locations! (info Below) Call 310-827-1100 to get info and check out the site and register to get weekly notices and listen to my weekly LOVE ADVICE pod casts online FREE at www.RapidDating.com. We hope to help you fire up your love life this summer.
Renee