Dear Renee (Love Mechanics),

I am feeling envious of a friend who is getting married…I hear her talking wedding plans and I feel sad and depressed instead of happy. She says she doesn’t feel like I’m happy for her and I don’t know what to do.  Someone told me you give straight shooting advice and I need to rid myself of these feelings.  Am I sick for feeling jealous and what can I do to make it go away?
Jealous

Dear Jealous

Wow what honesty…I commend you for facing your jealousy monster. When situations like this happen it stems from the deep inner desire for you to have what you see someone else getting that you want in your own life. Welcome to life. It happens with love, jobs and life in general. Just remember she probably went through this same experience herself when her friends before her got married...she’ll understand if you communicate honestly.  I can tell you from my experience over the years being a bridesmaid over 20 times and catching the bouquet at 5 weddings that I felt fleeting moments of sadness and envy when I was supposed to be excited for my own friends. I talked with myself and asked why are you feeling this way? What’s up?

All of us have that little inner voice that will explain what is happening if you are really honest.  I wrote down my feelings to acknowledge them so I could express them and move on. Here were some of my thoughts…

1. I wondered would I EVER find true LOVE and where was my life partner? Why did she get to have it and I don’t…WHAAHHHH!
2. I felt like I had failed at a few relationships, and if I ever admitted it that others would think badly of me…who hasn’t had a few broken hearts?
3. I prayed for my sadness of being alone… I wanted it to go away…I told God I was ready for LOVE.
4. I feared the judgment I got from family about still being single…I then asked for their support
5. Then I cried and let myself feel sorry for myself for one evening…and got off it and called friends for support.

What are your thoughts? Don’t be afraid to talk about them since we all have them.
The best way to get rid of these weird vibes with your friend is to talk about it honestly. Call your friend and tell her you need to talk and just open your heart…if she is a good friend she will understand. I can tell you I did this with a friend a few years ago and she was so sweet and comforting which helped clear out most of my feelings of sadness. Then we celebrated!  Now we are closer than ever. Try it… it’s better than suffering and wallowing in self pity.

Interestingly enough I am now on the other side of this life issue…I’m soon to get married and I am being very sensitive to my single friends because of my experience. I think envy is normal but if it lasts too long or become obsessive, call a therapist and get help. Remember your day will come and by being happy for others you’ll experience more love and joy in your life and it will come sooner. Jealousy and envy eat at your soul and diminishes your energy. Let it go and celebrate love with your friend. She waited to find love and your turn will come! Be happy for her and treat her how you want to be treated. Who knows maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding! Call me if you need more support and go easy on yourself…you’re human.

If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!

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