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PULLING AWAY- Too much Pressure
Dear Renee The Love Mechanic,
I have been dating someone for a few weeks and we have gotten very intimate. The problem is that now that we have had sex, she has so many expectations about the future and wants to know where this relationship is going? I feel pressured and have been pulling away. Now she is mad at me and keeps asking what is wrong? How can I tell her to slow down and discuss this without hurting her feelings or running away?
Pulling Away
Dear Pulling Away,
I can understand your challenge and I know this can be resolved with open communication and honesty. Get real with her about the pressure you feel. Having sex so quickly has its way of bringing up issues, depending on how each person looks at the act of having sex. Having sex means completely different things to people. We all have our own unique set of beliefs and rules that are established from our upbringing, social circles and religious beliefs. Many people think that having sex means commitment while others look at it as a casual thing or a fun sport.
Some women get wigged out because they feel vulnerable and exposed… and in truth, they are! When we open up sexually, it touches our hearts and the chemicals in our body get released that make us more vulnerable than men. Most often sex affects women differently. We simply get more attached. Some women can jump into bed fast and not have a second thought about it, yet most women I have surveyed said sex too soon makes them feel very vulnerable and it weakens their inner confidence. When they really don’t know a man very well they feel insecure and rightly so. They start to wonder…does he think we did this too fast? Is he dating anyone else? Now where do we stand? This is the price people pay for jumping into bed too fast. That is the chance you take with casual sex. TALK about it…you just opened up sexually, so be honest! You can’t have any expectations from anyone when you did not discuss it first!
In my seminars with men, I suggest discussing these issues with women so that you don’t get into this trap and then end up backing out with no explanation. I can’t speak for all women, but many women have expressed that having that sex makes them feel bonded to a man somehow even when they don’t know him very well. Guys…Women just want some communication. Call her and have a heart to heart, and let her know you want to be open with her about a few things. She may just want to know if you are only dating her and feel a bit insecure because you jumped into bed so fast. Be honest about your concerns and you will learn more about each other. Don’t pull away and leave her wondering why you backed off. With honesty, you can slow the process down and get to know each other better.
I would suggest open discussions and you can ask a few of these questions from my book Love Mechanics. I have a whole section on questions women want to ask but rarely do. Ladies you should come take my online class Secrets into the Minds of Men or buy the SECRETS into the Minds Of Men
Let’s Talk about SEX & What Really Works with Men CD
You are in control of your sex life and both sexes need to take responsibility for your own heart.
I know sex is fun but just jumping into bed so fast does bring up issues.
Get honest so you don’t get hurt or hurt anyone in the dating game.
Need help with how you will handle this or any dating dilemma? Call me for a Tuneup session!I am here to help!
Have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over? Email:Renee@LoveMechanics.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love & social life? Join us at Rapid Dating and Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California. Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and and get on our mailing list for upcoming events.
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