Dear Renee,

I have been dating a single mom and it is a new experience that I am enjoying very much.  Some of my friends warn me that dating single moms is challenging. Do you have any rules for dating single a mom that might give me some insight and make it easier?
Dating a Single Mom

Dear Dating a Single Mom,

I have many clients that are single parent of both sexes and these suggestions were gathered from some single mom’s I coach…Good News! Many men report that they find some single mothers very nurturing and appreciative…here are some tips to help you out…most of all remember single mom’s are single women that have responsibilities but want love just like other women!

*Don’t Rush!
Single mom’s appreciate when the guy acknowledges that he doesn’t want to rush it because they are aware that a third person is involved who needs to be protected.  Take some of the pressure off of the mom to protect her child.  Let her know that you are cognizant of the fact that she wants to protect her child and that you are on her side with that.

*Be Flexible
Give a lot of advance notice to see a single mom.  She needs time to make arrangements for the kid to be handled so she can relax.  Sometimes she may unexpectedly get some free time because of a play date or a sleep over.  Be flexible.

*Help her out with the babysitter
Often a single mom won’t admit it but she wishes you’d offer to help with babysitter cost. Some single moms can’t afford a babysitter which is now about $10.00 per hour.  She may need to wait until the weekend that the child is at his father’s to really spend time with you, especially if you are at the point of an overnight date.  Or it never hurts to offer to pay the babysitter if you want to see her more often.

*The Mother sets the rules
Remember once you are in the child’s life that the mother sets the rules.  DO NOT disagree with the mother in front of the child when she sets a rule or says it is bed time.  If you have a suggestion or question about a situation you can talk about it later in private.

*Be cool about Sleepover’s
Do not expect to spend the night if the child is at home or if you do be prepared to sneak out early in the morning before the child wakes up.  Do not argue with a mother’s values especially on this issue.  No one likes to feel slutty, especially in front of their children and if she has girls it is even more important to set a stellar example.

 *Watch how you treat her in front of her kids
Treat your woman well in front of her children.  Your behavior affects their perception of you and of their mother.  In some cases this is their only example of a relationship because the parents may have divorced very early. 

 *Don’t try too hard
When you do get to meet the kid, don’t try too hard.  Just be yourself.  Children are like anyone, they like people who show a genuine interest in them and are interested in what interests them.  Don’t push yourself on the child (or anyone for that matter).  No one likes to feel pushed or manipulated.

* Don’t suck up to the kid until Mom really likes you!
Don’t suck up to the kid to get closer to the mom.  It is not fair to the child if the Mom is not into you and the kid gets attached. Build a foundation with Mom first. Remember that she is the primary relationship… not you and her kid. If she likes you, the kid will feel safer to open up. 

* Don’t act like her child
When you are with the child and the mother be careful not to start emulating the child and expecting to be waited on all the time.  She is hoping to have a man around to be her support system.  Be another grown-up in the house to give support, not a big baby. 

*Offer to contribute occasionally!
Don’t be a financial burden just because she will be entertaining at her house because of the kids. Offer to bring dinner over or ask if she needs something to add to the dinner (dessert, wine, salad) from the store on your way over every once in awhile! She will feel supported and spoil you more. 

*Help her with a few chores and get extra loving!
If she cooks, offer to do the dishes. Be observant about little “handy man jobs around the house and offer to help! Most single mom’s and women in general love when a man brings in a tool box and fixes things for her! I know most women agree that feeling taken care of turns them on!

*Appreciate her with words
Single Mom’s have so much extra responsibility and enjoy appreciation and acknowledgement for their hard work with words (who doesn’t?) Compliments and checking in phone calls will make her feel connected!

If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love! 

Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating and Rapid Social Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California.  Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our  www.RapidDating.com site to get on our mailing list for events and Seminars. 

© 2007 All contents of these articles are the sole property of Rapid Dating LLC and cannot be duplicated or copied without permission of the author.

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