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Should we still Date?
Dear Renee (Love Mechanic)
I have been dating a great girl for over a year. I love her but I don’t se us getting married. The chemistry is just not right for me. How is it that you can meet someone and have all the connections but not the physical/sexual connection? We are such good friends and I want to still casually date her while I see other women. We never really had that “heat” when we first start dating but I don’t wan to lose her friendship. I don’t know what to do with her; I’m “on the fence”. One day we are together (yes we still have sex) then I’m off on a date and miss her… but can’t commit. I want to still see her and be “buddies.” It is so confusing. One day we are close, the next we are not seeing each other. Your advice? Should we still date? Be friends?
Dear should we still Date?
This exact situation happened in my own experience with an incredible person who I dated for some time. We both felt a connection of closeness and love yet we didn’t feel the hot passion we both needed long term. We discussed it openly, let it go and to this day are great friends…as a matter of fact I introduced him to a girl he is dating now!
In your case she obviously feels that “heat” with you and wants to still date. Some women think if they let you have some dating space you’ll “come around.” Only you know what her love goals are and that she would probably stick around grasping for straws. Be honest and tell her the truth. “I care about you but I don’t think I can promise you a long term relationship. I want to date other women and I don’t wan to hurt you knowing you want to get married.” Then you’ll see if she can handle a casual deal….some women can. You’re “on the fence” and it sounds like you want your cake and eat it too…Be fair and don’t string her on with the “Buddy” BS. You know your being selfish. If you tell her the real truth and she sticks around at least you’ll know you have been honest.
I’d suggest taking a break and dating others with no booty with her. Sometimes you can be friends after taking a break for awhile to cut the “energy”. You can only transform a relationship with honesty and integrity. You want her to be in your life and still date when you know she wants more is just not right! If you don’t see a future with her, cut her loose. If you know that you do not have enough chemistry with someone and they have it for you …Be honest and cut them loose. It will offer them the opportunity to move on and find the real thing. So many couple stays together so they don’t have to go back in to the dating game. Life is too short to play games with someone’s heart. Don’t be a jerk…cut her loose and wish her well.
You must communicate this topic with sensitivity and honesty. Sometimes letting someone go is exactly what you need to do to see if you want them in your life or to have the right person come along. Remember what you do to others will come to bite you. You get what you give!
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