Dear Renee (Love Mechanic),

I'm involved in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman. I believe she's interested in marriage; however, she has, in her past, made some decisions I'm not too happy about.

I must say though, while she has been with me, she has refrained from engaging in those activities. Unfortunately, some of her friends still make some of these very bad choices, and so naturally, I am worried about the idea of marrying her. She is very honest with me and says that if I were not around, she would probably still "occasionally" make some of those choices herself.

She is very fond of the idea of marriage, but her continued involvement with people who, quite frankly, scare me and are dangerous, makes me hesitate. Is my reaction wrong, or am I supposed to listen to my instincts? Am I crazy to even worry about this stuff?

Best regards,
Mark

Dear Mark,

You are not crazy to worry about this stuff. You should definitely pause and listen to your instincts. This decision is a life-changing one -- marriage is serious business. I'm not sure how long you have been with this "wonderful woman," but I believe that a person's friends are a direct reflection of their lifestyle.

If they are "scary" or "dangerous" now, these are the people you will be sharing your life with in the future. Would you want these rotten people influencing your children? Meeting your friends and family? Does your girlfriend hang out with them often? Do you want these people in your life? Does she spend most of her spare time with them? Do you feel she is really being honest with you?

A relationship must have open communication, direct honesty and respect that lasts. You must share all of your concerns with her and discuss the truth about these "activities" that she might "occasionally" want to participate in. Is this acceptable? What makes you think she won't go back to these "activities" in the future?

The fact that you didn't mention what they were leads me to believe you are extremely embarrassed by them. People can and do change, and you have every right to discuss these topics openly considering you want this woman to be your life partner.

Is she a person you will be proud to be with? Just be honest with your gut instincts; you're feeling these things for a reason. Take your time and let her reactions and actions shed some light on your decision. This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make -- be wise about it and don't let your sexual attraction for her rule your decision.

Renee

If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!

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