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Aloha Renee (Love Mechanic)
I am a 37 years old male in Maui, Hawaii. I'm a District Manager for a growing company, and we opened a new store on Maui in June of 2007. I was too busy to be looking to start a relationship. Well, in October 07 I was fortunate to meet a young 22 year lady, Laura. She was introduced to me by my niece who works with her next door to our new store. Initially, we would all have breakfast together. I had no intentions of pursuing her. She started coming by to see me at the store on a daily basis. She also came by to see if I was working on my days off. I would see her peep into the window to see if I was working. One day, her aunt saw us sitting together talking and her aunt wanted us to get closer so she could take a picture. This happened twice, but the second time her aunt said, "Don't worry I won't tell." I asked Laura about it and she said she had a boyfriend and her aunt was just kidding. I didn't think anything of it until my female employees told me that they thought Laura was flirting with me. Initially, I thought nothing of it until she came into the store one day and asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her. She brought the menu into the store and showed me the menu and turned her back towards me so I could look over her shoulders to decide what I wanted. I actually thought about putting my hands on her hip at that point, but I wanted to confirm my understanding of what I was seeing. It was after this that I started finding myself flirting with her on a daily basis. I've been in relationships before, and I'm convinced that she was flirting. The week before Thanksgiving, I decided to ask her what was going on between us. I called her up and met with her. I brought two cards with me, one for a "No" answer and one for a "Yes" answer. The "No" card said that I was sorry that I misread her signals and that I'd be happy to continue being friends with her. The "Yes" card said to meet me at the Westin Hotel lobby dressed for dinner at 7pm. When we met, I told her that I had two cards for her, but she could only have one. I asked her, if she and I her were flirting with each other. She said,"Oh, no! I'm sorry, I love my boyfriend." She started to apologize and I held myself with confidence and smiled and reassured her that it was alright. I gave her the "No" card, smiled and said that I just needed to know where she stood.
Since then, she avoided me like the plague. My female friends told me that I shouldn't have asked her if we were flirting with each other. Is this true? Did I embarrass her? Well, I got a lot of flak from my female friends. I felt really bad about my approach and decided that I would continue to greet her in passing. About a week after she stopped talking to me, I sent her roses saying that I missed her and that she gave me butterflies. Of course, I sent it anonymous. After she received the roses, she had a smile on her face and started saying, "Hi" to me again. One day, it almost seemed as though she wanted to say more to me, but she chickened out. A week after, we still had not spoken to each other. I decided to hand deliver a letter explaining to her what led me to believe that she was being more than friendly with me, and that I would like to have lunch with her again when she was ready.
Now she walks by me without saying anything again. It bothers me, but I haven't put my life on hold for her. Do I want to pursue her? Yes.
I have several questions for you:
Was I wrong to ask her if we were flirting?
Why do you think she stopped associating herself with me? Is it embarrassment?
Did I do the right things by sending her roses and a letter explaining my feelings? What do I do next?
WAS I HITCH HIKING AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT?
TAKEN FOR A RIDE?
Scott
Dear Scott,
Stop trying to get her to explain..she already did tell you why and you did not get the message. Her actions showed her answer so; it is time to let this go and stop obsessing! Keep your dignity intact and stop asking or wondering what is next. Fact is she is INVOVLED and your ego is hurt since she was flirting. If you continue asking why, it makes you look desperate and needy. Why did she flirt? She was flirting to get attention and since she knew a family member of yours she felt safe to be friendly with you. You misread the signals and she got uncomfortable. Period. I must give you credit… you explored the possibility and sometimes it works…in your case it backfired!
Learn the lessons from all this:
Weeding out the girls that are not available and don’t bother chasing them! You got “Red light signals” to stop pursuing but did not listen. Learn from this so when you get that gnawing aching feeling and feel needy with a woman, MOVE ON! It was great you weeded her out quickly but listen to the signs and no more chasing… let it go!
Don’t go overboard: She was teasing you and you followed up! Next time do not go overboard. The roses and letter was a bit much. Then another letter showed you did not “get “she was not interested”…Enough already!
Use your charms on someone else who is free to date you: I say you gave it a good try now move on and use your charms on someone available.
Stop the Obsession: You need to do some inner work and ask yourself why you would want someone who is being so distant to you. Is this what you think you deserve? Being obsessed with the WHY’s means it’s time to tune up yourself worth. .. Try listening to my seminar on tape or email me to get on the list for our live online seminars for MEN ONLY to learn more in the privacy of your own home!
LEARN WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT!
The seminar is called ‘Smart Man’s Guide to Dating, Attracting &Understanding Women’© Part 1
Facilitated by me, Renee Piane- Internationally known dating consultant and President of Rapid Dating
If this happens again and you discover someone is involved, tell them to contact you in the future when they are free and that you don’t want to waste your time. Then walk away. If she is so immature to act like this, she is not worth pursuing even as a friend. Plus you don’t want her to be your friend right? The mystery and the letting go of something great will keep her wondering if she lost a great guy…and keep you free to meet someone new. So much energy wasted on a selfish girl….she is not worth chasing! You need a Love Tune-up and perhaps reading my book Love Mechanics would help or call me for some coaching to boost your confidence level. You sound like a great guy chasing the wrong girl…As I always say” If it isn’t flowing it is not going to happen.” There are many other women looking for a great guy …Let her go! I hope this helps!
If you have any love questions, dilemmas, need some advice for your love situation or an Image makeover email me at: AskRenee@LoveMechanics.com or call me for a session! Call 310 827-1100 for info or go to www.RapidDating.com for more information and get on our email list to get all our info on our bi monthly Pod casts and love advice FREE. I hope to see you at our upcoming RAPID DATING and RAPID SOCIAL NETWORKING EVENTS and Seminars. Go to our website to get on our event list.
Renee