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Dating an Old Friend....
Dear Renee (Love Mechanic),
I have an old college girlfriend that I have kept touch over the years. At various times during the past nine years, I have wanted to date her, but either I was dating and she was single, or vice versa, and it has never worked out. I have been somewhat intimate with her, but she has always stopped it for fear of "ruining the friendship.” Several of my female friends have told me over the years that she has not always had my best interest in mind. They feel like she has "used me when she needed me", and because I was
always trying to get her attention and would do anything if I thought that she would give me the time of day, I could not see it.
When she moved away 2 years ago, she asked me directly if I was the one "that got away"? I told her that I thought I was. Now, she has recently relocated about 1 hour away and before Christmas suggested that we think about dating exclusively. After spending the past weekend with her, she told me that she has really been thinking about our conversation about dating and asked what my thoughts were. I FROZE UP!!!! I did not know what to say, and to tell you the truth, it makes me wonder where this is coming from. I do not know if she is lonely, if she is toying with me, or if she really wants to settle down. We are both 32 and I do want to settle down one day, but I am just not sure what to do. ANY guidance that you could provide would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.
Bill
Dear Bill,
You must take the risk and have some laser honest and direct communication with this woman if you ever want to start any type of relationship with her. You have every right to feel unsure based on your past experiences with her, and these issues need to be openly addressed. Get yourself together first! You must get in the “Drivers Seat” and get clear and confident about yourself! Start with a discussion with yourself before you contact her. The fact that you “froze” means that you need to do some serious inner reflection about your value as a man and a life partner. You both have hopefully grown up and now to take a relationship to an “exclusive” level you need to discuss some options with her and to see if this is what you both really want. Get clear and have a plan about what you’d like to accomplish. What values do you want in a partner? Are you ready to be exclusive with someone you never dated? What will work for you? What are you looking to build? Why not directly ask her what she means by certain statements? Don’t wonder or assume anything! This is your life!
I say "take her for a test drive" and
spend time to see if she has changed and has become someone you’d like to date! Think of yourself as a prize and qualify if she is what you want before you waste time, energy and emotions on her. People do change and even thought she may not have had “your best interests in mind” in the past, doesn’t mean she may not have grown. “Be smart with your heart” and find out what is up so you can move forward with her or move on. If you need some support on how to begin the conversation, call me for some powerful scripts. I can help you use words that will powerfully communicate the new you! Call me for a private session at the office 310-827-1100 Good luck and don’t let her make you dangle any longer.
Have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over? Email:Renee@LoveMechanics.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating and Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California. Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our new RapidDating.com site.
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