Dear Renee (Love Mechanic)

I have been chatting/text messaging with a guy for 7 months. He finally came to visit, and we had a great time.  He opened up a lot about his life and family, shared details about his divorce and talked several times about us hooking up again to spend time together.  We spent the weekend together, and never took it farther then kissing.

He even called me on my way back from the airport to tell me what fun he had, then texted me to let me know he got home.  I did not hear from him again, so I called him 3 days later to just tell him thank you for coming to see me and that I look forward to spending more time getting to know him.  He called me back the next night, and I missed his call. He called again the next night and I missed his call.  I called the following night, left a message that was a Friday night.  He chatted a few minutes with me Sunday night, but it was so late I had to go to bed. I called Tuesday night, got message said maybe we should set up a phone date, and I have not heard anything from him since, and that was a week ago.

My question is, he really opened up and was excited, but now it seems things have died. I am not planning on calling again; I don’t want to appear needy. But do you think he has vanished? Do you think that maybe he could just be busy; I know he has a lot going on at work.  I feel sad because I have met guys online, and had the same thing happen where they tell me how great fun they had and make future plans, then just disappear.

Do you think it is something I am doing, not doing?  I have asked all my friends, and they seem to think it is the guys retreating because they feel they got too close, and then they let time pass and feel bad, so they don't do anything...

Any advice? 

Dear Friend,

I am so sorry you experienced the disappearing act! The internet is great but when it doesn’t work out we often feel disappointed. There are lessons to be learned here. After years of working with men, I know these explanations below could be the some of the reasons he does not call you back! If he doesn’t call pursuing you after he met you …

1. He likes you but does not feel the long term vibe with you! This means he does not feel chemically attracted to you. Text messaging and talking are great but can’t allow us to feel or know if there is chemistry until we meet in person. Many daters can be disillusioned & build high expectations to only be disappointed. Lesson: let go of all expectations and look at a new person as a friend
2. After all those missed calls he thinks you might not be into him Lesson: when you call someone leave a good time to reach you or give them your cell
3. He is more than likely afraid to tell you the real ”laser honest”  truth since he feels like you will be hurt so he calls back when you might not be there!

Lesson: We all must be honest with people in a kind way as give them the respect you would want to receive

4. He is letting time pass to give you “the hint” and now he feels embarrassed after this long to call you.  He has feared you will be angry with him for waiting so long. Lesson: Be a grown up and don’t be embarrassed. Know that telling the truth is better than hurting someone by not saying anything.
5. He has been meeting other women the same way he met you and is dating others. Lesson: Keep your options open so you are not attached so soon to one person. You gave him too much power and he felt it!
6. He has not healed from his divorce and he knows you want more than he wants right now.  Lesson: Timing of phases in single life is everything. Listen for signs of someone not being ready and do not take it so personally.
7. He may like you but the distance may be too much for him unless he is madly in love. Lesson: Stay cool and flexible since distance can be overcome
8. Let him do the pursuing now Lesson: Guys hate it when a woman expects so much too fast and he will run away. If he is into you he will pursue you if he is not he is exploring his options…and so should you!

All singles go through these experiences and it is imperative that you let it roll off and keep on meeting other men.. I know it can be hard on the heart but do not let your heart be affected by one interaction with one man! I would love to do a phone dating session with you so I can help you detect what possible invisible “needy” signals you might be unconsciously send out! There are many more lessons to share but not in one column. You must keep learning and growing and it takes inner work to not shut down. I am currently writing my new book for women that will be perfect for you and will be teaching my online classes real soon! I can help so you keep that heart open! There is much love to be found! Come to a Rapid Dating event and meet 12-20 men in one night! That might help you move on faster.

Have a love or dating question or need some love advice?? Need a Private Consultation? Call 310-827-1100 or Email: Renee@Lovemechanics.com. to make an appointment and I can help you personally with all your dating and love challenges.  Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating, held in cities all over the Southern California. Get on our info list and check out our events at  RapidDating.com and join in on all the fun. Check out my weekly PODCASTS on line giving FREE ADVICE Weekly!

Renee

Back to Articles List

Back to Top . . .