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Dear Renee (Love Mechanics),
My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight months thus far and she and I come from completely opposite ends of the economic spectrum. I grew up in quite an influential, well-off community, and she comes from a much more blue-collar area.
Don't get me wrong; I love this woman like I have never loved anyone before, but the more we start talking about the possibility of a future, the more our differences in this area are starting to bother me. There are just little things (and I will admit, in the grand scheme of things, they are little) that keep popping up that remind me of these differences.
How can I love someone for the rest of my life when we have such different backgrounds, and different standards for what is expected and appropriate? We have great open communication in our relationship, but I am afraid that bringing this up would cause an irreparable riff. What should I do?
Thanks,
Different Sides of the Track
Dear Different,
Coming from different ends of the economic spectrum shouldn't have any bearing on love, yet it sounds like it is already affecting your plans for the future. This is an issue that needs to be addressed on your side -- not hers.
Are these issues in regards to people outside the relationship making judgments about her? Do you think that you're better than her? I am a firm believer that money doesn't equate class.
It sounds to me like you have a problem with the minor irritations perhaps because of your peers, and not necessarily her. First, you need to do an Internal Diagnostic Tune-Up, then you need to evaluate and align your vision by examining the values and qualities a partner must have to make you happy in the long-term. Sometimes the "little things" can turn big unless they are addressed.
Discussing issues, values and different standards for what is expected and appropriate is very important for a relationship if you want it to last. She probably adores you and, with open communication and love, you should be able to discuss some concerns you might have and work them out.
Too often, couples overlook obvious roadblocks, get married and think that things will work themselves out because they love each other. Your level of honesty and openness is essential to building a solid foundation of respect and trust in your new, budding love. Marriage is a serious commitment and communicating issues such as this is very important to the survival of your bond.
The way you approach this topic and all concerns may need a "soft glove" approach. Do you love her? Are your values similar enough? Is she the type of human being who is open enough to work on these issues with you? I say give it a try and let her know about your reservations.
Stay open... Love doesn't always arrive in packages that are perfect according to your high standards. Listen to your heart.
Renee
If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!
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