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Dear Renee (Love Mechanic),
I broke up with someone recently but wanted to let him know I was thinking about him over the holidays just as a friend. I keep asking my friends and they say “no way” don’t open up a can of worms. What are your thoughts on contacting your X around the holidays?
Contact X
Dear Contact X
The holidays seem to stir up memories and fuzzy feelings and yet some people can remain friends with their X. Staying in touch when it was a mutual breakup is one thing, but often when one person breaks up the one being left usually wasn’t prepared for the breakup… it takes time to heal. There is no rule about when to or if you should contact an X, but there is feelings to consider. Often the person who did the breaking up had already detached from some emotional connection, while the person being left is in shock and he may be hurt. So in your situation it all depends on what your intention is for the call and the timing. Every dating situation is unique. Ask yourself a few questions before making the call.
1. Do I want to call to really wish them well for the Holidays/New Year or am just I missing him?
2. Am I calling to still see if they are still peeved at me and I feel guilty?
3. Am I checking to see if I can get back together?
4. Are you wondering if they are seeing someone else?
5. Am I wanting to see if he is still pining over me?
6. Has enough time passed for me to do this?
7. Am I calling for him or myself?
8. Is the timing right?
Have a heart… don’t call for the wrong reason or it might lead them on. If you must do something to share sentiments, send a Holiday card or email card instead. It is thoughtful and then he won’t have to talk to you live if he is still feeling sad. I know for myself that I do enjoy hearing from old loves because I had let enough time pass. Some people can handle it while others just can’t deal with the pain of digging up the past. Which type are you? Look at his from both sides then make a decision from the heart
Need to connect with people in your area? Come to our Holiday Magic Cocktail Party and Toy Drive on Sunday Dec 2nd in Santa Monica and get in the Holiday spirit! I hope to see you at our upcoming RAPID DATING and RAPID SOCIAL NETWORKING EVENTS and Seminars in 2008. Go to our website to get on our event list. If you have any love questions, dilemmas, need some advice for your love situation or a Image make over email me at: AskRenee@LoveMechanics.com or call me for a session!
Call 310 827-1100 for info or go to www.RapidDating.com for more information and get on our email list to get all our info on our bi monthly Pod casts and love advice FREE.
Renee