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Dear Renee (Love Mechanics),
I read your advice all the time and I need help. I have a male friend that likes a good female friend of mine and she is a single mom. They have been dating for 4 months and she is in love with him. Although I know he adores her, I have seen him flirting with other women and based on that, I doubt he is ready to commit to her exclusively. He has mentioned that he is a bit scared of her situation with her daughter, yet he treats her well. She asks me my opinion all the time and I’m not sure if I should tell her I have seen him flirting or back away and stay clear of being a tattletale. It could be just harmless flirting interactions. He isn’t wrong for talking to other women, yet when I see him in action it upsets me. Should I say something to her? I just don’t want to get in the middle of this mess. Any suggestions?
What is a good friend to do?
Dear Good Friend,
I can relate to this situation! I say you must stay neutral since you are friends with both of them. When asked your opinion just say “I think you guys are great together and your relationship is between you and him. Then divert the focus back to her asking him about their situation directly so she will bring issues up with him to get clarity. Has she asked him if he is still dating? Is she clear on their status or is she in dreamland? This way you can offer support, a listening ear and give her things to think about with no opinions. Your goal is to salvage both friendships and often speaking up can put a wedge between you.
THE KEY: They are both big boys and girls and they must clearly and honestly communicate with each other and not a third person. Relationships are about relating and the first 4 months are a discovery phase in most relationships. Often people assume that the person they are dating is in the same mindset and they have not asked direct questions. Stay out of the middle and just listen and suggest they discuss their issues with each other. I only give advice in my coaching sessions when close friends ask me for my opinion I have taken on my own advice due to learning the hard way in this situation.
Often when you get in the middle, your advice can powerfully influence a person and you are risking hurting the other partner when you are not in their relationship and do not know what goes on behind closed doors. They are the only ones who know exactly what their relationship status is and despite appearances…frankly it is none of your business.
If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at AskRenee@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!
Renee
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