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Dear Renee Love Mechanics
I love your advice and I have a dilemma with a married man. I am in my thirty's and I have what I feel is an infatuation/crush on an older man at my work. I just started this new job and we flirt back and forth at times but I don't know how to pursue this. There is an age difference he is in his fifty's but there is just something about him, and I don't know what to do. I hear he is married but is having problems at the home. I think he is getting separated soon. He also has a daughter. I know I shouldn't do anything and should just stay away but it's hard to do. I dream about him at times as well. Do you have any advice on what I can do about this situation?
HELP!!
Crush on a Married Man
Dear Crush on a Married Man
Crushes happen… but chasing after a married man is bad news. Pursue not! It won’t be worth it the fantasy. Whether he is having problems and soon to be leaving his wife, this is a no win situation for all involved. His flirting probably makes him feel great but do not take it too seriously. Stay away or you not only could jeopardize your job, you will waste the precious time that you could use to meet someone that is available. Women, who date men that are attached, get in a negative downward spiral that can destroy their lives. You’ll be pining, wondering and never sure since he is not separated. Get Smart girl!
I had many clients come to me after being dumped by a married man who was “leaving his wife soon” that took years to get over. They became the other woman while believing he would eventually leave. If he comes on to you just say “It’s been fun flirting… but I do not date men who are married.” If he says he is leaving her soon tell him to call you when he is free. You can remain friends and he will respect you a lot more for taking a stand. Honestly…ask yourself how could you ever trust a man who would be willing to cheat on his wife? I do know people who have met in that situation and most often it is very challenging. No matter how much he likes you, he has a divorce process to go through which includes child custody issues. I know this from experience.
I met my husband while he was legally separated and I proceeded with caution. He had been separated for 5 months and had already been dating other women so I was not the first person after his marriage ended. I am glad I wasn’t the first girl since he was not ready to be committed and the other women got attached to him very quickly since he was a great man. They jumped in too fast. We took our relationship slow and we really got to know each other. I KNEW he might be hesitant to jump into a serious relationship so we became friends first. He only wanted to see me and I was a bit scared. We agreed to date exclusively for 3 months then see how it was going. I lifted pressure from him and did not push him into any thing.
It took over a year for his divorce to come through and although we were in Love it was not fun to go through. Separating furniture, selling his home and the energy of the resentment from his wife was terrible. I hung in there and we are now celebrating our first wedding anniversary. I never pressured him but did have a time line for myself and it all worked out.
I would suggest keep him as a “flirting friend” and come to my seminars and events to hook up with a single man who could adore you so you can save yourself some heartaches! Has a love or dating question or need some love advice?? Need a Private Consultation? Call 310-656-7099 or Email: Renee@Lovemechanics.com. to make an appointment and I can help you personally with all your dating and love challenges. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating, held in cities all over the Southern California. Get on our info list and check out our events at RapidDating.com and join in on all the fun. Check out my weekly PODCASTS on line giving FREE ADVICE Weekly!
Renee